We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
