And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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