Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
