there's paper in my vomit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
