btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
