I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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