I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
