I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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