Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
