My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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