i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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