i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
