i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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