who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
