Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need to calm my uterus...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
