why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
