He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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