I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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