Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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