question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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