Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
