As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
