just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
