apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
