i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
