The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
