Your face is a jimmy john
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
