Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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