i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
