u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
