He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
