I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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