I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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