We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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