he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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