At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
