do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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