He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
