I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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