he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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