i think i have herpe
just one?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
