I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
