i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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