; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
