According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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