I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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