Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
