You smell like stripper and shame
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
