Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
