Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
