It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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