i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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