I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
