Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
