allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't think brook has ever known best
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
