i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
