I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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