I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I could make wine with my vomit
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
