Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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