Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
