Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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