I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
