I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
