even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
