my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
