I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
